It's great being us

There's a lot around about gratitude right now. The new black. A trendy philosophy. It's cool to be grateful, mindful and centred.

But perhaps it's not as easy as it sounds to live this philosophy.

I know I'm better off than the majority of people on the planet. As a woman, a mother, a professional and an advocate for equity, there are only a handful of countries on earth where I am truly free to express myself, live and work as I please.

Yet still I take on stress about my career, my finances, my parenting skills and how clean my house is if my mother calls over unexpectedly.

I spend too much time on my hair, and not enough time daydreaming.

I think more about my wardrobe than my blessings.

I analyse my relationship with my kids more than dreaming up new ways to spend idle time with them.

Nietzsche says "the essence of all beautiful art, all great art, is gratitude"

And Aesop says "gratitude is the sign of noble souls"

So like any art or skill, I'm going to study. To learn more about this philosophy that, like a religion or spiritual belief, becomes integrated into every part of my life.

And my great hope, my goal and aspiration is to not only live a better life, but to live an easier life.

Be gone stress and strain.

Farewell anxiety, fear and worry for things that never happen.

Welcome " happiness...the spiritual experience of living every minutenwith love, grace and gratitude" (Denis Waitley"

Mother dear

With much debate about equal pay for equal work, equal opportunity for career progression and the elusive work/life balance, we wondered what our kids thought about the changing roles and expectations of their Mums and Dads. 

The results were surprising.

(me and my two sons)
Me: "What are my and Dad's most important jobs, do you think?"

Child A: "Dad's job is to go to (company x) and work. Your job, Mum is to take care of us, even though you work as well". 

Me: "Oh really, why isn't it Dad's most important job to take care of you?" 

Child B" "Because we came from you".

In a world where there is no more normal - no normal family unit, no normal roles for mothers or fathers, and where it takes a tribe to raise a child - perhaps our children's views of their parents haven't changed as much as we thought they had.

I ask the question of two best friends (both girls), what's the most important job your Mum does?
Girl 1: Coaching netball
Girl 2: Working
Girl 1: Really? I thought it was netball?

I never liked it that my Mum worked. I wanted her to do canteen, to be at every school event, and I hated day care during the holidays. 

So do my kids.

My Mum is a strong, positive role for me, regardless.

I never liked it that my Dad worked. I wanted to see more of him, get to know him better, and have him involved in every aspect of my life. 

So do my kids.

My Dad is a strong, positive role model for me, regardless.

My parenting skills aren't perfect.  Last week I sent my kids to school with lunch orders and the canteen was closed, forcing them to rely on the kindness of teachers and friends for food. My kids earn pocket money for doing chores that make my life easier (I like to think I'm teaching them about the world of work).

Despite the passage of time between my childhood and that of my children's, bringing with it progress in in equity, technology and the world of work, I am, through this rudimentary research, convinced that the more things change, the more they stay the same.

And Mothers make the world go 'round.

The end of the bucket list

On April 1 2012 I began a year long project.

A cross between a bucket list, a set of goals and a "to do" list, Project 365 was about living life to the fullest and creating new habits.

Like Meat Free Monday.

Like Date Nights with my husband on Thursdays.

Charitable giving monthly.

Reading more books - at least 1 per month.

Some days I simply "lived the project". Tested my resolve to not buy bottled water or coffee in take away cups. To refrain from buying newspapers and trashy magazines (borrowing from others when the need overwhelmed me!). To give thanks and appreciate how lucky I am. To start a conversation with a stranger.

Items I didn't get to tick off? Get a walk on part in a movie... write a celebrity fan letter... write to a politician about a cause that I feel strongly about... start writing my memoirs... buy a piece of Tiffany jewellery...pursuade my brothers to quit smoking...

The ultimate goal? To create a following "Pay it forward" style. To inspire 365 others to take a look at their lives and set themselves a project to do more of the good stuff and less of the stuff that wasn't so great.

Whilst I fall way short of having 365 names pledging to carry on the project beyond March 31, I have shared this project with my friends, family and colleagues, my social networks and the mailing list of my business Events Hunter. Conservatively, that's around 1,000 people. Conservatively, around 1/3 of them have made a change - even just for one day - in the spirit of the project. That's my 365 touch points!

I believe in the Butterfly Effect, where everything we do matters. Every day when I or one of my friends has taken on a "project", they have made a difference that will impact their world in ways they cannot ever fully appreciate.

So in my final Project 365 blog, I simply ask: what's your project to be? You have nothing to lose and a whole world to change with the smallest of intentional positive action.

Think you're too small to make a difference? Try spending the night in the same room as a mosquito...

I am woman. Hear me more....

March 8th is International Women's Day, where all over the world the progress and current status of women all over the globe is celebrated, debated, analysed and - in some cases - mourned.

Have we come far enough? That we need to ask the question confirms that the gender we are born is a discriminating factor no matter what part of the planet you inhabit.

So where are things heading and what is the current state of play? Who are the torch bearers that young people in the western world can look to for guidance?

A google search of female role models proves trickier than imagined, as only celebrities appear in the top search results.

FYI, this includes the likes of Taylor Swift, the Joan's brothers and Ellen Degeneres. Justin Bieber, Emma Watson and Leonardo Dicaprio also get a mention.

Closer to home, more luck...

Womanglow.com.au has a list of 36 female role models.

It includes the familiar such as actress Nicole Kidman, Governor General Quentin Bruce and Prime Minister Julia Gillard.

The less familiar (but equally - or more so - inspiring) include:
Deborah de Williams (first woman to run a complete non continuous la around Australia);
Lyn White (campaign director for Animals Australia);
and scientist Elizabeth H Blackburn.

It also mentions trail blazers to whom we owe the progress we take for granted - woman such as Edith Cowan, suffragist Vida Jane Goldstein and feminist Germaine Greer.

There are tons of statistics about women on boards, the pay gap, lack of transparency and equity in recruitment and promotion of women.

We live those statistics.

But not for much longer.

There's a change in the wind. A sense of a slowly building avalanche of change in mentality, in the sense of what is right.

More women are taking up board positions.

More women are heading up industry.

More women are finding they can have it all at once. And the men are helping them.

Here in the Hunter we are blessed with many, many inspiring women who are shining a light for all the up and coming leaders - male and female - living that change and paving the way for a brave new equitable world in our region.

This list is by no means exhaustive, and I share these names to acknowledge their progress, encourage emerging leaders to get to know them and to thank them for inspiring myself and many of my peers to stand up and be heard.

Rhonda Bowen
Eileen Doyle
Jann Gardner
Maree Gleeson
Shivani Gupta
Gaye Hart
Karen Howard
Kristen Keegan
Caroline Mara
Samantha Martin-Williams
Tracey McCosker
Caroline McMillen
Michelle McPherson
Claire Robbs
Sharon Smith

(no bios included here as their achievements and roles are many and varied - google them to learn more)

Happy international women's day for march 8. Go forth and conquer.
For tickets to the premier breakfast event on March 8th, go to www.trybooking.com/CHLI

Back to school - not just for kids

My youngest is about to start Kindergarten. Like many of you, I'm feeling a range of emotions from anxiety to excitement to pride to fear.

With my eldest now in Year Three, I have some expectation of what I'm in for....

No longer am I the centre of their universe. Their circle of influence is widening to include friends, teachers and other adults whom I can't control their contact with.

They're beginning to realise I don't have all the answers and I'm not always right.

Homework. Fights about homework. Frustration over homework. Guilt about homework not done on time or at all.

Cold hard reality aside, primary school years are a fascinating insight into the strengths and passions of children as they evolve from replications of their parents into true individuals - and are a real opportunity for parents to play an active, guiding role.

I've been talking to my boys a lot lately about the wisdom of Albert Einstein, one of the most quoted figures of today. About education, Mr Einstein says:

"Education is what remains after one has forgotten what one has learned in school."

The word "educate" comes from the 15th century Latin words educatus which means "to rear, bring up" and educere "to bring out, lead forth". The link between education, child rearing and leadership is easily buried beneath a cumbersome and prescriptive curriculum, delivered by overburdened teaching staff and struggling to be supported by parents striving for that elusive work/life balance.

I don't know about your household, but in ours, with two working parents, extra curriculur activities every day and calendars booked out months in advance, the homework and "what are you learning at school" conversations are ad-hoc at best.

So if Albert Einstein is right, how do we as parents positively influence the education of our children? How do we nurture our children's talents and passions so they may grow into well rounded individuals rather than average joes who remember the same content from a vanilla curriculum as their peers?

Here's what I hope remains for my boys when they finish their schooling...

• A passion for learning, understanding the most valuable lessons are learned outside the classroom as well as inside.
• Courage to pursue their strengths rather than wasting energy shoring up their weaknesses.
• The value of reflection. This is what homework is meant to be for - what did I learn today, what does it mean and how does it help me in pursuit of my passions?
• Standing up for what you believe in, challenging the status quo and engaging in regular, robust discussion and debate, which teaches you more about leadership than any school subject or degree.
• Imagination is more important than knowledge. Another Einstein quote that I love for its urging that we never stop daydreaming or allow ourselves to be swept up in mainstream thinking.

As you kiss your kids goodbye this week, during pick up/drop off time, or when you have even just a few spare minutes in the day, ask them about their day. 

Stuck for how/what to ask? 

Google "10 questions to ask your child about his day at school"... you might not find the magic question, but it might just lead you to magical answers.

Newcastle on the map

Next week the Hunter Business Women's Network are hosting an event with the topic "Its time to get Newcastle Back on the map". Featured is a panel of speakers quite rightly referred to as community leaders.

This morning, the Callaghan Institute hosted an economic breakfast which included newly elected Newcastle Lord Mayor Councillor Jeff McCloy who spoke convincingly of the opportunities for this great city and provided insight into what changes and actions he intends to pursue in his role as civic leader.

I got to thinking.... on whose map should Newcastle be? And what might that look like?

As the eternal optimist that I am, I always see the silver lining, the opportunity and the possibilities in even the most woeful of circumstances.

One of my favourite things to do - that I also happen to be reasonably good at - is connecting the dots between people, ideas and circumstances.

So this is my contribution to the Newcastle On The Map discussion (and I look forward to the HBWN event on November 14 at the Novotel - check out www.eventshunter.com.au for more info)

For the last little while Newcastle has enjoyed the ride on the coat tails of the mining boom. A resource rich region has paid dividends to our community through increase disposble income, enhanced skill sets of tradespeople, fattened the wallets of small businesses in the mining supply chain and protected our community from gross unemployment and social equity issues that regions in other parts of the country have endured.

Now the warning lights are flashing for a slow down in the mining sector its time to start thinking about the next wave in our economy, where will the opportunity and the money be in the next 12 months? The next 5 years? What else do we have in this region in rich supply to capitalise on?

We are a harbour city with some of the best beaches in the world, an underdeveloped mass of real estate within walking distance, not to mention its close proximity to major shopping centres, world class vineyards, and the exceptional Port Stephens and Lake Macquarie aquatic playgrounds.

We have a wealth of talent in engineering, high end manufacturing, entrepreneurs and creative people working in all industry sectors.

What if an investor (McCloy recently had encouraging discussions with some major Chinese ones) wanted to build a student precinct using some of that under-developed real estate in the Newcastle CBD? And if there were a large proportion of Chinese students studying there, might that not flow onto a China-town link precinct, with retail and cultural spaces?

What if Newcastle Uni's city campus project forges ahead?

What if the rail line goes?

Any or all of these = more people accessing the CBD.

With more people in the CBD, more of the shop fronts that have sprouted boutique retail businesses, supporting some of our most creative artists, designers and entrepreneurs will grow in size and scope.

With more money and people in the CBD, it will be a safer place to be (night or day), and a place that would warrant beautified street scapes, better signage, more greenery. A beautiful place to be.

What if Newcastle transforms into a Knowledge City? A place where learning, entrepreneurship and creativity are palpable as you walk down Hunter St?

More students = more tourism, as international student families come to visit. And go home telling their friends about this vibrant city that apparently was "dead" just a few years prior.

More education = more research grants and government funding as Newcastle is recognised internationally for excellence in education and training.

Our CBD holds the key to transforming our city.

Our CBD is a geographical icon that we should be proud of, and that we should all be so passionate about that we readily put aside self interest for the greater good.

Jeff McCloy spoke this morning of his part in a recent delegation to China, which included Institute Director of Hunter TAFE and about a dozen other business owners and interested parties. The end result was a high level of interest from a major Chinese developer, with a strong liklihood they will visit our region early 2013 to further the relationship.

When they come, let's welcome them with open arms and one loud, clear message that we're ready to talk.

The NSW Government is currently deciding on the fate of the much debated rail line. Whatever that decision is, let's press on together to do what it takes to make the changes necessary to transform our city regardless.

If we build it, they will come. Support, I mean. Let's build a supportive, active Newcastle community that welcomes change and action, all in the name of increasing the size of our pie so that there is more than enough for everyone to grab their small piece and prosper.

Project 365 needs you

Project 365: one year of my life where each day I aim to make a difference to my world through living more sustainably, making better financial decisions and enhancing my quality of life.

Day 184: The half way point
(and my project today is to set a Christmas budget based on spending time with loved ones rather than giving and receiving more stuff we don't need).

On Day 365, March 31 2013: My project is to have at least 365 followers who will each commit to making a change of their own for the day, the week, or their entire life.

Whilst I've had a lot of support and encouragement on this project from family and friends, I still have a long way to go getting more than 300 people to committ to pledging their fellowship to Project 365.

Can you help?

Email me your pledge or your committment (just say you'll come on board, or declare the change you'll make);

and/or

Share this with your friends (maybe all pledge to do something together??!)

As fuel for thought, here are some of my highlights and most challenging moments from the past 184 days:

The best bits:
* Ticking off my "bucket list" an "Eat Pray Love" inspired journey to Bali with my best friend. And flying there Business Class.
* Buying a hybrid car. The fuel efficiency is great, but driving in battery mode is a bit of an obsession for me.
* Giving each month to charity. Always feels good, particularly as I'm teaching my children at the same time to devote 10% of their earnings to charity. So far we've supported the Orangutang Project, UN Women Australia with flood relief in Fiji, the Leukaemia Foundation and the Smith Family.
* Date nights each week. With work and kids off the conversation agenda, its been a beautiful opportunity for my husband and I to get to know each other as individual adults, not parents.
* Adopting two "rescue" dogs. Hands down, the most feel-good project to date.

The toughest bits (which were about changing habits and challenging social norms):
* Dry July. Enough said.
* Giving up bottled water, weekend newspapers, plastic bags and disposable coffee cups. Entrenched habits to change in myself and my family.
* Screen Free Sundays. A hard sell to my kids, but even harder for myself to exist a day without sms, facebook and email.
* Don't Yell At The Kids Day. Two boys, a busy life, a hectic pre and post school schedule. Challenging, but rewarding.

What I've learned:
(heaps)
* Tucking away your $5 notes everytime you get change adds up to big bucks, and is a great forced savings plan
* I can live without a heap of stuff, and I am actually happier for it. Think: meat (on Mondays), diet coke, alcohol on week nights, magazines and coffee four times a day.
* Giving up trashy TV for books on areas I am interested in is a far more enjoyable use of my time
* The simple projects have the most to offer, not just to me, but to my whole family. Think: kite flying, weekend picnics, "lights off before we take off", growing chickens, recycling everything possible and donating unwanted toys and clothes to charity.

So, what would you like to change in your world?

Let Project 365 help you, and help us inspire 365+ people change their worlds, too.

Email me with your pledge: belinda@eventshunter.com.au

My sincere thanks,

Belinda Smith